dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
