the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
