I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
