i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
