forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
