You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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