Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
