He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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