Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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