I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
