So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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