I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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