Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
