1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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