You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
