I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
