I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize