She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
