I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
