just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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