In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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