Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
