Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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