I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize