thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
