i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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