I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
