Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize