Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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