when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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