Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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