i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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