no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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