Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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