Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
