Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
