Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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