matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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