Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
