Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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