Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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