what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
