question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
