shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
