mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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