Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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