I just saw a hot homeless man
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
