My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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