I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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