Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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