ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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