If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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