As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
