I need to stop coming to work sober
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
