you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
