Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
