Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I fill condoms, not promises.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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