The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
