I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
