if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
