I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
