the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
