So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So much rum. So many feels.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
