like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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