Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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