Can Purell be used as lube?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
