I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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