Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
