Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
