I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
