i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
