Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
