Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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