i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize