Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
