i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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