This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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