if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
