and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
