Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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