Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
