My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
