Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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