maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The Olympian is in my bed
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
