I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How's work?
Spinning.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
