I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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